planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
