Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I want her autograph on my taint
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
