I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
