I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
operation harelip BJ is a go
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
