I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
