just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
