I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
