cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
