The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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