I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
