i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
