So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
