im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
