thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
