We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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