Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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