wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
