i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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