I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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