just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
