Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
