11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
