Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
