Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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