i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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