Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
