chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
