i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
