i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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