Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
