Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
