Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
