i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
