I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
