Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
