there was a trapeze. enough said
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
