I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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