You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
