I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
