One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
