Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
