I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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