Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
