I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
