I should be sponsored by Trojan
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
