Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
