all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
