BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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