She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
