You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
