And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I want her autograph on my taint
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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