1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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