I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
