I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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